Rob Bell & Bin Laden: Hell

Funny stuff.

Where Would It Take You?

It's late summer. You've snuck into your old school to explore and play and hang out. Of course there's the risk of getting caught - that's the whole point. You and your pals are running the halls, trying doorknobs to see which ones are unlocked. As you race through, you find an unfamiliar hallway. Catching your breath, you all saunter down, surprised to find a new space to discover in your old school. You resume shaking the doorknobs. They're all locked. Except for a rusted door wedged shut. Pushing and kicking, prying and grunting, it reluctantly scrapes open. You can feel a breeze, a musty smell rushing at your face. 

As you and your friends squeeze through, you wish you would have brought a flashlight. You've found the  abandoned entrance to a very old tunnel. You've heard of the famous limestone mines - and now you've discovered a secret opening. What lies below? What's behind the myths and legends? Will you come back?

****

National Geographic had a compelling article on the mines below Paris. You should read it. There was an paragraph in the article that caught my attention. It mentioned that there were access doors to these mines located in schools! Imagine that - wandering through your school and discovering a door to the limestone mines. It's the making of a great adventure story. If I were a writer, I'd play around with that concept. 

Like This Post, You Will!

Are you a fan of Star Wars?

Have you seen the commercials for TomTom GPS that advertises its voice for Yoda and Darth Vader? Me and the kids think they are hilarious! We just watched them again, and now we want to share them with you. My brother Jerm introduced them to us at Thanksgiving. It was a gift for which I am still thankful. :)

Enjoy!

Here's the one for Yoda:



Here's the one for Darth Vader:

Emma the Evangelist

Tonight on our way to Emmanuel Community Church for their Christmas Edition of Catalyst, we were listening to Trans-Siberian Orchestra (pretty much the only thing we listen to in the van). There is a song - #10 I believe - which starts off with the word "carolize." Earlier in the season the kids wanted to know what "carolize" meant. I explained that it means to make up a song about the Christmas story.

While traveling, listening to the melodic guitars of TSO, Emma declared, "Nicholas in my class thinks that Jingle Bell Rock is a Christmas Carol, but I told him that it's not."

"Oh really," I replied. "Did you explain to him what a Christmas carol is?"

"I told him that a Christmas carol is a song about the Christmas story."

"Good for you, Emma!"

"I had to tell the whole class the Christmas story."

"You did?" I exclaimed? "Why?"

"They didn't know what it was," Emma responded.

"Which class was this that you shared the Christmas story?" I wanted to know.

"Music class," Emma answered.

I was curious. "What did you tell them?"

"That Christmas is about Jesus being born," Emma declared.

"Well said, Emma. I'm proud of you. I'm glad you shared the Christmas story with your music class! And you taught them what a carol is. Good job!"

Too Many S'Mores?

It's possible to have too many s'mores? I had three tonight, and that seemed like too much. But they were all different kinds of s'mores. The first s'more was with an Almond Joy - oh that was sooo good! The second one was with a York Peppermint Patty - that is the BEST! The third was with a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. It was tasty. I would have had a fourth one, a normal one with a Hershey Bar, but I had to call it quits. Besides I had already eaten two Almond Joys and two York's earlier in the evening. But when you're outside, sitting around a campfire, food always tastes better, it always tastes like more. Until the sick feeling in the gut begins to take over.

It was a lovely campfire, hanging out with the kids and Mum, and the MacFarlanes. The kids all tried roasting their own 'mallows. Levi ended up torching two of his... the first was an accident but I think the second one was for sheer delight. It is kind of neat to see how big the blackened puffball can get. Good times at the lake, especially with a campfire and s'mores.

How do you like to eat your s'mores? We've got a whole summer ahead of us to experiment!

My Young Theologians

The bedtime routine every night always includes prayertime. We cycle through a bunch of different ones, sometimes we let the kids choose one, other times it's chosen for them (especially when they "can't" agree on one and thus delay any further progress in getting to bed!).

Tonight we prayed the Shema:
The LORD our God, the LORD is one.
Love the LORD your God with all your heart,
with all your soul, with all your mind, with all your strength. 
And love your neighbor as yourself.

Following the prayer I told them that this prayer sums up what God wants for us to do in life. Levi asked how we can know what God tells us. I told him that God tells us stuff in the Bible.

Then Isaac asked why God is so far away in heaven. I told him that we can't see God, but not because he is far away. Actually God is very close, he is so big that he is everywhere. He's right here next to them, he's also in Emma's bedroom, he's in Huntington with Shirley and Faye, and he's at the Lake too!

Levi asked if this meant that God could see everything. Isaac wanted to know if, since God is so big, if he could lift the house with one hand. Yes, I'll bet he could do that. I told them that God is so big that he could touch the sun and it wouldn't burn his hand.

Levi then wanted to know if God could pick up a bear. I said yes, and if the bear bit his thumb, it wouldn't even hurt. Isaac wanted to know if God could pick up an elephant. Yup. Eli wanted to know if God could pick up a lion. Yep.

The boys seemed pretty impressed with God. Especially the part about being able to pick up bears!

Ants for Pets

Cleaning up after breakfast, we found some ants chowing down on a piece of popcorn laying by the patio door. They were swarming on the popcorn, and milling about by the patio door. I called the boys over to check out this feature of nature. Isaac wanted to know if we could keep them for pets. Levi wanted to know if these are the ones that bite. Eli was trying not to step on them.

We watched for a while, and then we picked up the piece of popcorn and threw it outside. Then we all took turns picking up the tiny little ants and throwing them outside as well. Isaac was hoping we could keep one or two of them. He was hopeful that if we let the ants stay in the house, we'd never have to sweep the floor again. We could drop all the food we wanted on the floor, and the ants would clean up for us! Sorry Isaac, that's not the way it works with ants.

Since the boys had grown fond of their new pets, we decided to give them food. We put some cereal and honey outside on the patio. Now we'll check in every once in awhile and see how their picnic is going.

I have to admit that this non-violent treatment of ants is partially inspired by an NPR interview with E.O. Wilson. On the radio one Friday afternoon I heard him explain alternative ways of turning away an ant invasion without slaughtering them. For reasons I don't fully understand, when the opportunity presented itself this morning to remove the ants, it was more intriguing to get creative than destructive. We'll see how well this plan works in the days and weeks to come!

I Want to Smoke a Pipe

Conversation at lunch today took an interesting turn. Eleven of us were dining at Richards thanks to Emily's suggestion (Ceballo's had a forty minute wait...). Shirley was at one end with all the kids, Faye, Dad and Mum and I were at the other end. A nice arrangement.

Ordering the food prompted an interesting conversation about beets. What restaurant serves beets as a side-order? Well, Richards does - Harvard Beets no less (though it's not on the menu...). Mum and Faye were quite delighted at the opportunity to add beets to their lunch. Faye came back from the salad bar with pickled beets, which were kind of tasty. But they leave an after-taste of dirt. Mum insisted I try some Harvard Beets, I was a bit hesitant. After taking the boys out for a restroom break, I came back and both Faye and Mum had scarfed down their Harvard Beets! They told me I took too long in the restroom!

Well, then the really interesting conversation began. I don't even know how it started, but Faye and Mum began reminiscing about the good ol' days when they were P.E. teachers. They waxed nostalgic about smoking pipes at the end of the school-day as they drove home from Angola to Huntington. What??? My mum smoking a pipe? Oh yes, Faye said, we even smoked cigars! Yes, my Mum insisted, on the way home from school we'd rip off chunks of bread and eat it with swiss cheese.  This all makes for a very interesting picture in my head. And it makes me want to smoke a pipe. And eat some Italian bread and swiss cheese!

Get to Know Your Neighbor Up North (that's Canada... in case you were wondering)

Here's a simple overview of the Canadian provinces, some helpful insights for which region you may want to visit or relocate to in the coming years. My Ontario friend Brian Magnus sent me this fascinating summary, therefore it must be true.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
5. Weed.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. Big rock between you and B.C..
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 5% instead ofthe approximately 200% it is for the rest of the country.
4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Your province is really easy to draw.
3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
4. People will assume you live on a farm.
5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You live in the centre of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Racism is socially acceptable.
2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada .
4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick .
4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse..

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got the big, new bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
3. The workday is about two hours long.
4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.

U2 & Letterman - a Top Ten that is actually funny

Tara and I used to watch Letterman's Top Ten all the time when the boys were babies - their feeding time was right around 11:30pm.  About eight out of ten times the Top Ten wasn't that funny.  Maybe four out of ten of the actual Top Ten items was funny, and the Number One was almost never funny.

Anyway, I didn't see any of the shows when Letterman hosted U2 for a week.  I'm sorry I missed it.  So lucky for me I found some clips of when they were on CBS.  Here's the link to U2 doing the countdown of the Top Ten with too-tall Dave. I laughed at nine out of the ten items.  The comment about cheese wasn't that funny.

Ads with an Attitude

Advertising  that makes me smile, snicker, or out right laugh:

Cheez-its.  Cheese crackers with an attitude.

Steak-n-Shake.  Tasty, greasy food with an attitude.

Mac.  Computers with an attitude.

ESPN ads are usually pretty good, the Dustin Pedroia ad for the baseball video game is kind of funny, and I enjoy the ads for Coke and Coke Zero.

Hate pretty much all the car ads, all house cleaning ads, definitely despise the Viagra ads and the stupid Ultimate Fighting ads that run constantly on CNN.  Irritating.  I would rather channel surf and watch nothing, then watch commercials.  I try to read a magazine, or get up and do something else than waste my time and sit through a TV commercial.  Since I hardly watch any TV anyway, what little time I do spend in front of the tube, I definitely don't want to spend it on a dumb ad.  Unless, of course it's a Mac ad or for Steak-n-Shake!

Tax Day

Maybe someday soon April 15th will become a national holiday - a day to protest, a day to rally against the IRS and the White House and Congress and wasteful government spending.

Not that anybody from the Treasury Department is asking, but here are some suggestions in regard to taxes:
First - eliminate annoying taxes. Like the Estate/Inheritance/Death/Birth taxes.
Second - focus more on sales taxes. This would seem more fair - you buy lots of stuff, you pay more taxes; you don't buy lots of stuff, you don't pay as many taxes. If you don't like paying taxes, don't buy stupid stuff.
Third - reduce the amount of the income tax. This is a really annoying tax.
Fourth - tell Congress to quit spending money in such a way that will cause a rise in taxes.

And I'm sure there are plenty of people who will point out how these suggestions will harm the economy. Because right now our tax system is not harming the economy...

Happy First Day of Spring!

Ahhhh...finally, the first day of Spring! This winter seemed kind of long. The sun is sunny, the breeze is breezy, the earth is earthy, hmmmmm...this is my kind of weather!

Today Emma and I did some leaf-raking while Eli napped. It was fun to be outside with her, working together, listening to her chatter about slimy bugs, prickly branches, and crunchy leaves.

The next big project is to rake up all the hickory nuts that are littered across the whole backyard. I've had a few people tell me I should harvest the hickory nuts and then use them for cooking or sell them. Does anyone know how to harvest hickory nuts so that I could use them for cooking or sell them? Otherwise I'm going to have to cajole my kids into picking up hundreds and hundreds of nuts. I can make it a game for about five or seven minutes, and then after that I'm on my own!

And the Winner Is...Louisville!

Go Louisville!

I can't stand North Carolina, I'm ambivalent towards Duke, but I'd be okay if Memphis won.  I could care less about Pittsburgh or Oklahoma.  Obviously I'd love to see Michigan State or Purdue go the whole way...buuuut...I don't think that will happen.  

I like Rick Pitino, and I kind of like Louisville.  And they are a really good team.  I hope...

The Teacher's Note

On Monday one of the preschool teachers for Levi and Isaac sent home another teacher's note. Usually getting a teacher's note indicates there is a problem, or that some issue needs to be resolved. Lucky for us, the Monday note made us laugh!

"Today at circle, a girl exclaimed, 'It's a beautiful day!"

In response, Levi burst into song in front of the whole class: 'It's a
beautiful daaaaaaay! That's a song by U2. My daddy has the CD!'

Isaac added: 'Don't let it get away!'"

Ah yes....I'm very proud of my boys!

Free Garden Huckleberries With Any Order!

Yes!  You too can now grow your very own huckleberries!  Or not. I'm getting ready to order some stuff from Burgess Seed and Plant Co. so that I can get a free packet of huckleberries!  I love buying plants: trees, flowers, shrubs, bulbs, seeds...ahhh the joy of digging in the dirt. It's fun to grow stuff - stuff with color, stuff with scents, stuff with flavor. It's also a lot of fun to order this stuff and then to wait for the mail to come and get the packets and then looking for a sunny day to start planting.  I'm ready for the rain to go away and the sun to warm up the ground.

What are you going to grow this season?

Daddy, I want to type something!

Isaac

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Waiting for my Huckleberries

Saturday afternoon I planted my huckleberry seeds!

This is my third season in four years for planting delicious huckleberries. Last year was a bumper crop...I think my Mum was able to make two whole pies - one for me and one for Dad. This year I'm expanding my crop.

I ordered two packets of seeds from Direct Gardening. I filled two 18 piece egg cartons with about 100 seeds apiece. Once they sprouted, Dad took one of the cartons home. If even half of my seeds survive my amateurish attempt to farm these berries, I'll be swimming in them! Well not quite, but maybe I can have enough berries so that I can freeze some for a pie at Christmas as well as Thanksgiving and at harvest time!

If you've never had huckleberry pie, let me know. I'll be sure to invite you over at harvest-time and I will share a slice of pie with you. Along with some home-brewed Starbucks coffee, of course!

Baseball is Back...

Jon Miller of ESPN must have said that a dozen times. And I'm glad for it! Nothing better than an evening winding down with Joe Morgan and Jon calling a game while we work around the house.

Right now the Washington Nationals are christening their new stadium (beautiful is what Jon has said another dozen times...) with a 2 - 1 lead over the Atlanta Braves (who ESPN is predicting to win the World Series!).

President George Bush threw out the first pitch, and then Joe and Jon hosted him in the announcers booth for a couple of innings. The President was a bit pallid in his play calling, but he did have a wry sense of humor - especially when it came to making fun of his high-heat fast ball that he tossed in to start the game. What a way to start Opening Night of the baseball season.

On another note, during ESPN's Baseball tonight, John Kruk predicts the Cubs and Tigers to be in the World Series, with Pinnella breaking the century old curse for the Cubbies. Now wouldn't that be awesome! From the sounds of it, the Braves, Red Sox, Tigers and Cubbies are supposed to be hot this year. Some day the Blue Jays will be competitive again. Someday...

***Newsflash: Nationals Win! Ryan Zimmerman hits a walkoff homerun in the bottom of the ninth with two outs to win the their opening night game in their beautiful new stadium. This is why baseball is America's game! This is why I love Major League Baseball!

That Steve...

Our car was stolen last night!

Tara was leaving for the evening for some appointments, and was getting ready to back out of the driveway when she remembered something she had left inside. She ran inside real quick, leaving the car running with the door open. She knocked on the door, and I let her in. She raced around, getting what she needed and then rushed out the door.

Then I heard frantic banging on the door, the doorbell ringing and ringing. I sent the kids to unlock the door for her, since I was feeding Eli. They just looked at her through the door as she kept yelling. I got up to let her in...again...since the kids were just staring at her. She blurted out that someone just stole the car!

Then she shouted over and over again: they have my computer...they have all my pictures!

I ran outside, down to the street glancing up and down the street for any sign of our car.

Nothing.

It was a very empty feeling: who would steal our car? And what will we do about the thousands of pictures on Tara's laptop?

And then our neighbor Steve walked out of his house.

Tara rushed over to him, wanting to know if he saw anything. His puzzled look was not encouraging.

But then he began to smirk. And then he opened his garage door. Our car!

The look on Tara's face was priceless: pure shock and complete relief!

She started to beat him with her rolled up magazine, giving him the third degree. I couldn't help but start laughing.

Apparently Steve had been on his way back from the mailbox when he saw Tara rush into the house, leaving the car running with the door open. For whatever reason, he felt rather mischevious. He quickly jumped into the car, backed out of our driveway and parked it in his garage and then shut the door. Very funny.

Last spring I did a sermon on Refrigerator Rights; Steve is the kind of neighbor who has Car Theft Rights.

As Tara and I talked (and laughed) about the crisis later that night, we wondered how to get him back. Not many options when our neighbor starts with stealing our car. What do you do? TP his house? Cut down a tree? Order a bunch of pizzas to his house? I'm sure we'll think of something.

That Steve...and to think we just sent him money to support him in the mini-marathon he's running to raise funds for YFC. Some neighbor!